News

No One Is Perfect!

Okay, I admit it. I’ve been eating badly for the last few weeks. Did I say weeks? I meant over the last two months. Okay—three months. I’m aware cookies, cake, and candy, are poor choices. No one from the CDC has suggested such foods can protect us from the virus. In fact, experts say that hypertension and diabetes are co-morbidity factors attributed to death from coronavirus. And still, I pay no attention. It’s like I’m running through a supermarket with no face mask. Or hugging strangers on the street. Drinking water out of my pool (we have ducks that swim in there from time to time). Why can’t I get the message? To be healthy, I have to eat healthily (sounds awkward, but grammatically correct).

Food Is Medicine

Clearly, peanut butter cups are not what the doctors had in mind. Nor potato chips. They’d recommend fresh fruits and vegetables. Check. Limited portion sizes. Check. Protein, the size of your fist. Check. But the actual meal isn’t the problem. It’s all the noshing between meals. Those snacks first showed up around March 30th. Which by the way, coincides perfectly with the date of Arizona’s Covid-19 lockdown.

Knowing Better Isn’t Always Doing Better

Years ago, I spent a week at Canyon Ranch in Tuscon, Arizona. They billed themselves as a Lifestyle and Wellness Center. I called it a Health Spa. The less tactful, referred to it as a Fat Farm. I learned a lot about health and nutrition. The impact of lifestyle choices. The importance of exercise to reduce stress. And, that we are what we eat. If so, over the last few weeks I’ve become a giant vat of peanut butter. Someone, please pass the jelly.

Control Is Around the Corner

This week, I’m recommitting myself to getting back to being healthy. No more snacks after 6 pm. No more desserts. If there’s ever been a time to maximize your health, this has got to be that moment. Of course, there will be slip-ups. Times when hiding places will accidentally be revealed. Like the top shelf of that cabinet that requires a step ladder to reach. Or the freezer, outside in the garage. Or behind the soup cans in the kitchen pantry. Mistakes are bound to happen. No one is perfect!

Added Bonus:

This week The Intersect and After the Fall will be in a promotion for those who are subscribers to Kindle Unlimited. Take a moment to check it out here. And stay safe.

 

 

 

Pass Me That Face Mask!

Why is there so much push back about wearing a face mask? Aside from the potential community benefits, there are lots of other advantages. For instance, I don’t need to shave as often. No one can see my gray whiskers, adorable as they might be. And I can finally toss that packet of Certs. My breath doesn’t need to be minty fresh. And with my mask on, neither does yours. Now that’s a win-win.

Smiling?

For those of us who don’t smile often, a face mask is a perfect accessory. Am I smiling? No one can tell. Finally, my eyes and voice get to do the heavy lifting. My sour expression—but a fleeting memory. Never again will someone mistake me for being unhappy. With my face mask, I’m the friendliest guy in town. The life of the party!

Let’s Pretend

Behind a face mask, you can be anyone you want. Batman. Superman. The Phantom of the Opera. Of course, that last suggestion requires you’re able to carry a tune. And if you love candy, every day is Halloween when you wear a face mask. Check out some of the amazing masks available on-line. Big fun. And if you grew up in the 70s, you can even pretend to be Chad Everrett from Medical Center. That guy was always in a mask in the Operating Room.  Actually, now that I think about it, he was mostly on the beach without a shirt. Never mind.

Release Your Inhibitions

With a mask on, you can express your opinions in public without fear of retribution. Go ahead. Stick out your tongue at the jerk who jumps the line at the post office. When someone does something blatantly stupid, place yourself in a circle of people (6-feet apart, please) and let it rip. No one will be able to prove it was you who shouted those insults. You’ll be protected like the late ventriloquist, Edgar Bergen. They’ll never see your lips moving.

The Best for Last

Of course, I have no business pressuring anyone to wear a face mask. If the CDC can’t convince you, who am I to try? And yet, I can’t help but think it’s worth the effort. Maybe, it’s because I’m a former healthcare administrator. Or, I have a B.A. in Biology. Or, it just might be the experience I had this past Winter with a bout of non-COVID pneumonia. I remember that scary feeling of not being able to breathe. Trust me. You wouldn’t like it.

Bonus Round

This week, I’ll be participating in a Let’s Share Some Fun Reads promotion. If you haven’t purchased a copy of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? this is a great time to grab the ebook. The freebie promotion runs June 27th through July 3rd. Be sure to click here.

Bunnies to the Left, Bunnies to the Right

Is it my imagination or are there bunnies everywhere this Easter? Dust bunnies, that is. Floating past me in the kitchen. Dancing along the hallway. Waving from the corner of the dining room. How can this be? And more importantly, why haven’t I noticed these animated tumbleweeds before?

Quarantine

As a writer, I’ve worked from home for years. But with COVID-19, we’re no longer using a cleaning service. In fact, we haven’t welcomed anyone into our disease-free fortress for at least six weeks. But if I ever wondered why we had a cleaning service, I know now. Gosh, two people can create quite a mess.

Bunny?

Which makes me wonder. Why is that tumbleweed called a dust bunny? Is it because the word bunny is cute?  Not exactly. I’ve recently learned it’s because of the fluffiness of the dust, which by the way, according to a 2009 University of Arizona study, dust is comprised of “a mixture of organic matter such as dead skin cells and organic fibers, soil tracked-in on footwear, and particulate matter derived from the infiltration of outdoor air.” Egad. There’s nothing cute about that!

Where’s the Vacuum?

In our house, we have two vacuum cleaners. The upright and the canister. Why do we have two? I’m not sure. I can only assume we each once had a preferred model? But to be honest, neither of us has used a vacuum in years. The dustbuster, sure. But a vacuum? Nope. So both vacuums have been sitting in our garage collecting dust. Until now. And with a flip of a switch, a pull on a cord, we’ve begun the arduous process of vacuuming. Discovery #2. You have to have a very young back to excel at vacuuming.

And the Rest of the House?

It’s obvious we need to do more than just vacuum. Oh well. These are the times that make men hardy. Or something like that. And so we’ll schedule a cleaning ritual. Vacuum, dust, clean countertops, and attack the dreaded toilet. This’s all doable. After all, we are mighty men. Capable and strong. Or, maybe, we can just clean when the dust bunny problem gets out of hand. I like that idea. After all, how much dirt can we really create? Hmm. Based on what I’m seeing around right now—quite a lot!

One Last Thought

Don’t forget to grab a copy of my latest book: What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? It’s a touch of Erma Bombeck with a sprinkle of David Sedaris and just a hint of Andy Rooney.

Where’s The Toilet Paper?

By now, we’re all familiar with the empty supermarket shelves where the paper products used to be. It’s truly unnerving. My last trip to the store felt like the start of that old television show Supermarket Sweep. You remember. Contestants racing through the aisles trying to fill their baskets with the most expensive items. During this pandemic, I’ve been diligently working my way through the bakery. Candy? You bet. Cookies? How many bags should I grab? But why would rational people stock-up on paper products? Sugar? I’m in. Paper? Not so much.

Panic Buying

We’ve experienced shortages before. The oil embargo of 1973 led to long lines at the pumps. And then Christmas 1983, there was a run on Cabbage Patch dolls. Remember? You couldn’t find a doll anywhere. And today, we expect long lines for the newest version of the Apple iPhone. Or how about on Black Friday? Folks set up sleeping bags in front of Best Buy as early as the night before Thanksgiving. So, I guess Americans have a long history of pent up demand. But for toilet paper?

Not Tissues Too?

And now there’s a run on tissues. Which is especially troubling for those of us with seasonal allergies. Where’s your grandmother when you need her? Mine always had a tissue. She stuffed them everywhere. Up a sleeve. Down a blouse. In her purse. She used them to wipe away a tear at a bar mitzvah, wedding, or graduation. And when there was dirt on your face, a bit of spit on a tissue did the trick. Or when a finger got too close to a nose. A tissue always magically appeared.

Handkerchiefs

Perhaps it’s time to revive the handkerchief.  No one carries those anymore. It might be nice to have that handy cloth when you need to open a door. Or take food off a supermarket shelf. I have a box of them with my initials that my mother gave me in 1980. It’s a gift that has sat in my dresser drawer for 40 years. I recently opened the box and found the original gift card. A handkerchief makes the ideal face mask when rolled up. Just intertwine the ends through two rubber bands. It can even be washed in hot water and reused. Perfect!

But Toilet Paper?

Hopefully, toilet paper will soon be returning to store shelves. Otherwise, someone will have to get to the bottom of this. I heard folks mention that once the Sears catalog came in handy for more than just shopping. I guess the newspaper might be another substitute. But I doubt modern plumbing could handle all that bad news. So in the interim, I will conserve. Be mindful of my consumption. We can do this. And with Passover around the corner, it’s a great time to introduce Matzah, that binding delight, to our daily diet. That should definitely help us save on toilet paper!

Added Bonus:

Here’s a sneak peek at “Fear, AIDS, and the Coronavirus” which will be appearing in the Here’s My Story section of The Gay and Lesbian Review. It’s a very personal recap about the death of my first partner, Richard.

Also, this week I’m participating in a promotion with other authors of fun books. Please be sure to check it out. What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? is featured.

And finally, my thoughts are with you and your family through this crisis. Please be safe. You’re very dear to me.

If You Can…Try to Laugh

Alright. It’s true. There isn’t anything funny about the Coronavirus. The news is scary. But at this moment, the only way to keep our spirits up is with a healthy dose of humor. Otherwise, you can get lost in a frenzy of worry. I know. I’ve found myself racing through the supermarket in search of toilet paper. And though no one loves toilet humor more than I do, it’s disturbing to find empty shelves where those mighty rolls should be. Very disturbing.

Social Distancing

As a kid, I craved social distancing. You certainly couldn’t find that in our two-bedroom one-bath apartment. Back then, I shared a room with an older brother. He was always there. And there were twenty-two apartments on the floor of our building. That’s a lot of people to run into when you’re waiting for an elevator. Social distancing would have been a dream come true. But then, someone would have asked, “Brad, what’s wrong with you? Don’t you like people?” Well, I do. But not in such close quarters. A six-foot boundary would have been heaven on earth.

Writer’s Life

Which is probably why I love being an author. Most conversations occur in my head. It’s wonderful when you’re totally in control of the dialogue. That means, you never lose an argument. Ever. And you always get the last word. Don’t tell Jeff. He thinks he gets the last word. Aren’t husbands silly?

Suggestions

So, what advice can I share about social distancing?

  1. It’s a great time to learn to bake. You’re going to be home. Why not have something nice to eat?
  2. If you must go out, pass on the deodorant. Think of Pigpen. That’s the look you’re going for. It radiates its own “six-foot perimeter”.
  3. Go food shopping at off-hours. And for goodness sake, don’t touch all the produce. It’s just inconsiderate. Whatever you touch, you should take.
  4. Get a good book. Something light and easy. Something that might make you smile. Oh. Did I mention that I’ve just launched my latest? What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Humorous Observation on Modern Life. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wonder why you didn’t buy it sooner (and so will I).

Stay Safe

Most importantly, wash your hands. Men have trouble with this. I’ve been in enough men’s restrooms to know. And since we’re talking about public restrooms, will someone teach our male population to flush. That has nothing to do with the Coronavirus. It would just be nice.

If It Were Only Easy!

It’s been a while since I last reached out. Yes, I’m still writing. That third novel, Boca by Moonlight, is underway. But like all busy people—it’s easy to get sidetracked. Especially when you have two other projects coming online.

Brad—Really? Two Projects?

Why, yes. I’m currently awaiting approval for the audiobook version of After the Fall to be uploaded on Audible and iTunes. I’m excited to get this product to market. I’ve hired a terrific narrator, Kebba Buckley, who has the voice of an angel. John Mahoney from Phoenix-based RavenPheat Productions, LLC, is handling the production. I intend to also transform The Intersect into an audiobook. But that won’t be happening for another few months.

There I Said It!

And now we’re approaching the 3rd anniversary of the creation of this blog: There, I Said It! In honor of the milestone, we’re in the midst of producing a gift book recapping the best of the blogs. A kind of “Chicken Soup for the Soul”. I’m hoping the gift book will be an excellent tool for capturing a broader array of speaking engagements. Currently, I’m doing a lot of speaking using my healthcare contacts, talking to different groups about creativity and job performance. But down the road, I’d like to be able to build on my brand as a humorist. Hopefully, this gift book will help. It should be out by November.

Awards

I’m also happy to report that After the Fall has racked up three book awards: Indie Foreword,  Indie Reader Discovery, and the Colorado Independent Publishers’ Award. When you’re busy writing a novel, awards aren’t on your mind. That’s why it is so great when it happens. Awards provide a very public confirmation that your work is appreciated.

Phew!

I know. That’s a lot all at once. Well, there’s no telling what you can do when you make up your mind. Years ago, I started this journey and learned that persistence is the key. There is no guarantee of success, but for what it’s worth, I’ve enjoyed every minute. If it had been easy, I doubt it would be as fulfilling. At least that’s what I like to tell myself when it gets really tough.

And Now the Plug

If you haven’t yet picked up your copy of After the Fall, this is a great time. Check out the Amazon page by clicking: Amazon.

Happy reading!

 

 

 

 

Do Authors Really Need to Market? You Bet!

Hi Everyone. Summer is almost here, and in Phoenix, that means it’s time to either hit the pool, walk the Mall, see a movie, or take a vacation to a cooler climate. There’s only so much you can do when the triple digits kick-in. And so, like all good authors, I’ve turned my attention to marketing, This week, I thought it might be fun to share with you what marketing actually means for an author and how it’s been working so far. You just might be surprised.

Finding New Readers

I regularly run ads on Amazon so that new readers can find my two novels. With the little space allowed, I’ve been confined to writing two-line book descriptions which might invite a potential buyer’s click. Amazon is all about clicks. And trust me, there are moments when writing the entire novel seems a lot easier than capturing the attention of folks who don’t know me. But since I’ve been running ads and measuring performance, I’ve also been using Excel spreadsheets. For those of you who know me well, this has made me very happy. I love Excel.

Audiobook

Now for the big news. After the Fall will be introduced in an audiobook format by the end of August. No, I’m not providing the narration. That would be cruel and unusual punishment for any listener. Instead, I’ve hired local Phoenix talent. I’m hoping the audiobook will tap into a whole new market of book lovers. Commuters, busy twenty-somethings, and those who relish the spoken word.

Book Clubs, Book Parties, and Podcasts

Yes, I’m still doing book clubs and book parties. Next week, I’ll be in Fort Wayne, Indiana, meeting with a book club to discuss After the Fall. So far, I’ve done 9 book clubs, some for The Intersect and some for After the Fall. I also continue to do book parties. The most recent was in Asheville, North Carolina, and it was a hoot. So if you’re ever interested in a book party, please let me know. They’re lots of fun. You invite your friends and we pull the party together. It’s a wonderful opportunity to meet new readers and everyone seems excited to meet an author. At least, that’s what they tell me. We’ve also wrapped up last month with an interview on the Written on the Edge (WROTE) podcast. The show is now up on my website at bradgraber.com if you’d like to take a listen.

Awards

We have a lot to celebrate. After the Fall received a 2018 Indie Finalist Award from Indie Forewords and was just recently honored with a 2019 Indie Reader Discovery Award. Not to be outdone, The Intersect just landed on an Amazon Best Seller list. Phew! Three years of hard work made that happen. The name of the game is persistence.

Thanks to You for Making this Happen

Of course, none of this could have been possible without your help. Thank you to all the readers who purchased the novels and took the time to post a review on Amazon. Reviews are critical to moving the books along the Amazon bookshelf. I feel very lucky to be an author with such a terrific group of people supporting me. Everyone has been so kind, and for that, I’m very grateful.

So What is Next?

I have two new projects underway. A 3rd novel, tentatively titled, Boca by Moonlight, and, yes, I’ve given thought to book #2 in The Intersect series. So there’s a lot of writing ahead. To those of you who’ve been kind enough over the years to share your personal stories, I will be mining them for gold in the next few months. To the rest, well, all I can say is, I’m in need of plot twists. I’ll be listening closely to your every word. Promise!

Are You Living With Someone Who Has a Cold?

It’s that time of year. The cold and flu season. And even though I’ve had my flu shot, the greatest risk of getting sick isn’t from exposure to the general public. No. The greatest risk is lying next to me in bed, sharing my living quarters, and coughing. I won’t name names, but you all probably know to whom I’m referring. And yes, he’s sick this week.

Ever Since Captain Kangeroo

As a kid, I was sick a lot. And Mrs. Doctor Know-it-All Mommy was the queen of over-the-counter medications. Robitussin for coughs. Vicks VapoRub for the chest. Afrin for the sinuses. For dinner, she prepared a meal packed with iron. Have you guessed it yet? That’s right. A disgusting slab of rubbery, stringy, hold your nose, cow’s liver. Mrs. Doctor Know-it-All Mommy was no gourmet chef when it came to cow’s liver. And if you’re thinking of sharing a terrific recipe with me, please don’t. I say, let the cow have its liver. I’ll stick with the chicken soup.

Why Am I Dizzy?

So now, I have an aversion to medication. Too often, the stuff makes me dizzy. And I’ve read that a frequent cause of death in adults (okay—it might have been seniors) is a sudden fall that results in a head injury. As for the liver, well, things have slightly changed. I like Rumaki, Pate, and chopped liver, but I still think plain liver is gross. Now everyone knows what not to serve if I ever show up for dinner.

Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

Excellent advice. I’m so enthusiastic that I like to regularly practice the feeding part. You can never be too prepared. But seriously, to ward off being sick, experts recommend you wash your hands frequently with hot water. I’m not happy till my hands are raw. And you must avoid touching your eyes, nose, and mouth. Which of course leaves your fingers with actually very little to do. But most importantly, you must isolate your beloved to another room. Or wear one of those face masks seen at airports. Better yet, make your spouse wear the mask.

Make Use of Your Cell Phone

That’s right. Limit all communication to texting. It really cuts down on the exposure. And there are lots of great emojis and gifs to use. My bottom-line advice: Tap into your creative side and stay healthy throughout the Holiday Season!

 

Film Movie Violence

Why Is There So Much Movie Violence?

It’s a perfectly lovely summer day in Phoenix and I’ve just returned from the movies where we go to retreat from the heat once we’ve dried off from our dip in the pool. But today, I feel rattled, unnerved, unsettled. We’ve just seen a supposed comedy masquerading as an action picture. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a wuss. It’s amazing what they can create on film with special effects. The Titanic sinking. New York City flooded. San Francisco imploding. I get it. They’re spectacles for sure. But what is it with all the violence? Human beings being mowed down in a bloody shooting spree. Body parts chopped off, flying through the air. The continuous violence goes on and on. And that’s just the previews.

The Three Stooges

When I was growing up, violence was limited to The Three Stooges. Three knuckleheads who couldn’t stop hitting each other. Yes, we laughed. Pies in the face, okay. Punches to the gut, poking at the eyes, followed by a hammer to someone’s head? Looking back, I wonder why more kids didn’t kill their siblings using The Three Stooges as a defense. But Moe whacked Curley with an iron skillet. Larry never cried when his head was slammed into the wall. Moe seemed fine after he fell out the window.  

I Know the Violence Isn’t Real

Back then, it all seemed innocent. It was done for comic relief. But today, the violence feels intensely real. There’s nothing comedic about it.  Your body tenses up. It’s like being on a thrill ride, except it goes on and on. Am I in the minority on this? Surely Hollywood isn’t in the business of making movies no one wants to see. They’re merely feeding the box office. Or are they?

Is Our Society Out of Control?

Anyone who wants to get all revved up can just turn to the news or social media to quicken their heartbeat. When I go to the movies, I’d prefer to escape. A love story would be nice. A romcom to make me laugh and remember how wonderful falling in love can be. Maybe, a movie that sparks the intellect. How about a thoughtful biography? Or a tale of friendship? Honestly, I’m already exhausted from the rancor that is our daily diet in America. I’d like to give my fight or flight response a rest. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t most Americans?

 

 

Fireworks

Oh, But How I’ve Missed You!

Pop the champagne! Sound the bugles. I’m back. There, I Said It! is once again up and running after a few weeks of hiatus. Did I run out of things to say? Was I hobbled by a broken finger, unable to type? Did my agile mind have a momentary slip? No. Not at all. But I did launch a new novel and let me just say, it was a bit distracting.

A New Novel?

Hopefully, by now you’ve heard about the new novel, After the Fall, and maybe, even seen the book trailer. Yes, I know. It’s a very common title. If you go on Amazon, there are pages and pages of similarly named books. But fortunately, there is only one Brad Graber, the author. And that is the easiest way to find the novel. Just type my name in the Amazon search box. But if you’re still stuck, you can always go to my website at bradgraber.com and click the “order now” button by the novel’s cover. It will take you directly to my Amazon page. Or, if you prefer, you can buy the novel online through Barnes & Noble or the Apple Store for iBooks.  There are lots of options.

How Did I Come Up with the Story? 

There’s always a seed of truth. Something that triggers the creation of the novel. For instance, before I wrote The Intersect, Jeff and I had talked about leaving Phoenix so that I could pursue other job opportunities. When we decided to stay, and I opted for early retirement, it occurred to me that such a scenario might lead to tension in a relationship. So, I created Dave and Charlie and just stood back while they cascaded. I also was missing my mother. Ding dong—is that the front door? Oh hello, Daisy. Combine that beginning with my interest in elder abuse, undocumented immigration, and teen homelessness, and we’re off and running. So that’s kind of a snapshot of how the creative process works for me.

Relationships

By now, you probably know that I like to write about people, relationships, and the cultural and political climate. I’m less concerned about a specific age group than I am about how we react in different situations. It’s kind of like the ABC show, “What Would You Do?”. I’m fascinated by the choices we make, which is how I come up with the twists and turns for each story. That’s what sparks my imagination, and hopefully, if I do a decent job, you’re in on the fun.

A Great Summer Read!

So a big thank you for kindly supporting this second novel. And just in case you haven’t purchased your copy of After the Fall, here is the book trailer. Check it out.

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