Whimsical Observations on Life

Is Your Family Story the Next Great Saga?

Welcome to all the new readers who’ve recently joined through a BookSweep or BookFunnel promotion. Glad to have you with us!

The Stories We Tell

Every family has its drama. That’s what makes family gatherings so interesting. A place to share family lore. Relatives who arrived on the Mayflower or by way of Ellis Island. Snickers about grandpa’s nightly snort of whiskey. Whispers of an aunt’s illicit love affair. Tales of that great uncle who never married. You might even hear details about a parent’s previous marriage and divorce. Scandalous!

Family Saga

Essentially, your family history is chock full of stories about relatives who’ve lived interesting lives and made difficult choices. Some good. Some bad. And the judgments they faced due to those choices. Just ask about the relatives missing at your next family celebration. That side of the family that no one talks to any longer. The cousin that never shows up at the family reunion. Oh yes. There are plenty of stories. You just need to know where to probe.   

Judgments

Judgments reveal a lot about a family’s values. And often, judgments are passed down from one generation to the next. This ripple effect is what makes for an interesting family saga. Especially, if there are lessons learned and minds changed. That’s what we call in the book biz a story arc.

History Repeats

If you hover above your family tree, you might even discover that many family dramas are rooted in the past. One or two generations back. And, there’s no such thing as an original story. Themes repeat. Sibling rivalry. Failed business ventures. Mysterious deaths. Broken marriages. Everything you’d ever need to write a great novel is there. You only have to lean in and listen.    

Lost Tales

To me, nothing is sadder than a bare family tree. A tree that only provides names and dates of birth and death. It’s like walking through a cemetery of strangers. The headstones might be of momentary interest, but there’s so much information missing. The dreams, personalities, and struggles that bring our stories to life. That’s the stuff that makes our family history so interesting. Think about that the next time you’re reading a novel. What are the main themes in your family story? How has that story evolved from generation to generation? I bet you’ll gain some interesting insights. And then, be kind to an author. Share. I love to hear a good story.  

And Now for a Little Something Extra!

This month, we’re participating in two promotions offering free ebooks. You can grab a copy of my debut novel The Intersect at Literary Fiction and a copy of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? at Free and Fun. Be sure to check out the promos to meet new authors. And stay safe. Your health is important!

 

What’s That Smell?

If you have sinus issues or allergies, then you know the effect intense fragrances can have. After living in California for a few years, I quickly learned the term “scent-free”. It’s very popular there. In public places, such as gyms, theaters, yoga studios, and restaurants, you might see a sign that requests patrons be free of colognes and the like. That has never been a problem for me. I don’t wear scents of any kind. I never could. Until I did.

Pepe LePew

It was one of those sales coupons that shows up in the mail. Come visit our department store and save money. And like a wandering fool, I wandered over to the men’s fragrance counter. There I was. Standing among a very handsome crowd of men and women. Purchasing all sorts of scents. I was overcome. Caught up in the moment. Soon, caught up in the scents.

Just a Light Spray

The gal behind the counter with the French accent promised me love and romance. Okay. Maybe that’s a stretch. She actually promised me 15% off on any men’s fragrance. The last time I’d tried a fragrance was—a long time ago. It was soap on a rope. Do they even make that anymore? I had to pitch it. My eyes burned. But now, I’m a full-grown adult man. Surely, a light scent couldn’t hurt. Some of my friends wear cologne. Mostly, they smell good. If any of my friends are reading this now—I meant great.

Instructions

She suggested something light. An eau de toilette. I’m not a sophisticated shopper. I’d think anything that includes the word toilet (which I can clearly see hiding in front of the extra t and e) would be a pass. Nonetheless, I agreed to try the toilette water. There’s that word again. Excuse me while I laugh.

Surprise

I sniffed one of the sample cards. And much to my surprise, the scent spoke to me. Brad, darling, you’re sophisticated, handsome, and full of essence. (The French gal at the counter kept mentioning the word essence—so I assumed some of it would rub off on me). I walked through a fine mist and waited for the scent to dissipate. Or burn off. Or whatever is supposed to happen. All I can say is, the fine mist was in my nostrils and mouth for the rest of the day. What had once smelled pleasant, now haunted me. I smelled myself everywhere I went. I couldn’t get away from myself.  And after a hot shower, I still smelled that scent. Would I be forever marked? Known as Mr. Smelly Smell Smell. Trust me. I worried about it.

I’m Just Not the Type

I guess I’m just not the type for fancy colognes and the like. I’m more scratch and sniff. Like the family dog. So I will continue on with my scent-free lifestyle. And I will ignore the allure of smelling better. After all, I am what I am. Chocolate, peanut butter, mixed with a little steak. Let’s see them capture that scent at the fragrance counter.

Now for Something Extra!

From June 21st through June 30th, I’m participating in a new GLBTQ Pride promo with Booksweeps which will provide a chance to grab a free e-copy of After the Fall and other similarly themed books along with the potential to win an e-reader. If you get a moment, please check it out. It promises to be fun. And you just might win something!

Is Someone Talking? Who? Where?

It happened again. I walked into a store and someone called out “hello” and I had no idea where they were. Why? Because everyone in the store, including me, was wearing a face mask. And, since I’m deaf in my left ear, I need some visual clue to know who is talking. Usually, a smile will do. I can’t make the determination based solely on the direction of the sound. Every sound is coming in on the right side. So even if you’re standing directly to my left, shouting, the odds are good I will look to the right. That’s just the way it is.

Childhood

There are scarring memories we all have from childhood. One of mine goes back to a game in kindergarten (I know—that’s a long time ago). The teacher put a blindfold on me and I was supposed to come to the sound of someone calling my name. Well, that was a game I couldn’t possibly win. It’s a miracle I didn’t walk into the blackboard.

Mouths Covered

For those of us with hearing issues, if we can’t see lips moving, we can’t read them. And though I’m not an expert lipreader, I have taken years of training (but please don’t test me if we ever run into each other—no sense in embarrassing us both). But now that everyone is thankfully wearing masks to prevent transmission of Covid, I swear, my hearing is getting noticeably worse. And it’s a strange thing, but when I’m struggling to hear, it feels as if I also can’t see. As if these two senses are somehow linked.

What Did You Say?

So the next time someone appears totally out of it, consider that they might have a hearing problem. And be kind. No one wants to appear confused. In fact, most of us with hearing issues have developed strong defenses. One day, I’ll share the story of how Jeff and I met. Originally, he thought I was unfriendly. And that’s what comes from talking to me on my left side. Spin me about, and things are very different. I might even be charming.

Now, A Little Something Extra

I just got word that What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? has won first place in the National Federation of Press Women’s at-large communications contest and will be advancing to the national rounds. So, I thought I’d share the opening 3-minute audio from the audiobook available through Audible. And no. That isn’t my voice. Derek Neumann is a professional voice talent. Enjoy!

 

Ten Tips To Make 2021 The Best Year Ever

Let’s face it. 2020 was no fun. So, as we think about 2021, here are some suggestions to  make things a bit brighter:

  1. Stop racing through the store like you’re on Supermarket Sweep (does anyone remember that game show?). If you’re wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and staying socially distant, you’re probably fine. Still not sure? Don’t shop on the weekend when it’s busy. And double-mask. It can’t hurt.
  2. Toilet paper is a wonderful product. But there’s only so much anyone needs. If you can’t pull your car into the garage—you probably have too much.
  3. Try to get out of the house. If the weather doesn’t permit, there’s always a good book, meditation, or a nap. And we all know that meditation leads to a nap. What? You really didn’t know?
  4. Cookies and cake are delicious. But maybe it’s time to bring fruits and vegetables back into our diets. You’ll feel better and with summer a few months away, you’ll get a head start on that beach body (and I’m not referring to the dead thing that washes up on the shore every July).
  5. Social distancing will one day be a thing of the past. So now’s the time to change your cell phone number and ditch those pesky relatives. If they can’t text you, they can’t find you. Win-win!
  6.  Embrace change. We have a new president with a new outlook. With any luck, we’ll all be vaccinated soon. Hopefully, before the next Covid mutation. Can you say, Ninja Mutant Warrior?
  7. Laugh when you can. When all else fails look in the mirror. It’s true. You look just like your mother. Now that should put a smile on your face (or send you screaming from the room).
  8. Aches and pains are part of life. They help remind us of what’s important. That we’re still here. Alive and kicking. Adding new meaning to the phrase, it hurts so good.
  9. Try to make pancakes at least once a week. Even if the batter isn’t great, you’ll love the syrup. I promise.
  10. Reading is a necessary form of self-love. We get to experience someone else’s life when we read. And anyone else’s life is probably more exciting than ours at the moment. So go ahead. Pick up a book. Escape.

Now A Little Something Extra!

This month, we’ll be participating in an ebook humor promotion along with other authors. It’s your opportunity to grab a free ebook of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? Please take a moment to check out the promotion. It’s a great time to be a reader!

If You Can’t Say Something Nice…

I’ve been thinking lately about the lessons I learned from my parents. They were a preachy twosome. Always imparting some sort of wisdom. Did I always listen? Of course not. What kid ever does? And yet, somehow, I’ve internalized the advice. Which can make the world a very confusing place. You see, when you learn one thing and then see others behaving differently, it’s problematic. Call it a clash of morals, ethics, or just bad behavior run amok. Either way, a bell rings in my head. I call it, inconsistency. And for me, inconsistency is what makes writing novels such a rich process.

Wisdom to Drive You Insane

  1. “Do as I say, not as I do.” Whoever came up with this gem needs a few sessions with a good therapist. We model for others through our behavior, or lack, thereof.  If it isn’t good enough advice for you to follow, please don’t pawn it off on me.
  2. “Rules were made to be broken.” Well, this one is just silly. Perhaps they shouldn’t have been rules in the first place.
  3. “If you loved me—you’d know what to do.” Nope. I’m not a mind reader. If you want something, tell me. I’m a simple guy. I’ll understand.
  4. “Words matter.” True. But actions matter more. You can’t behave badly and then convince me that you’re well-intended based on what you say. I won’t buy it.
  5. “If you can’t say something nice—say nothing at all.” Okay. I agree. But too often, the opposite is far more interesting. Which explains the success of stand-up comics like Joan Rivers, Rodney Dangerfield, and Kathy Griffin. Not to mention, the rating success of some cable news outlets.
  6. “There’s a right and a wrong way to do it.” Where’s Emily Post when you need her? After the last 4 years, I think America could use a little guidance on proper etiquette. Especially, out in public. If there’s something “right” to do, I’d like to read up on it.
  7. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times.” Well, tell me again. Some of us are just slow learners. Or hard of hearing. Or both.
  8. “Tell a lie often enough, it becomes true.” Hmm. I still think it’s a lie. But it becomes a mighty effective propaganda tool. Joseph Goebbels comes immediately to mind.
  9. “It’s neither here nor there.” Then, I guess it’s nowhere. Good. Who needed it anyway?
  10. “Think before you speak.” Great advice. I’d add, “Speak less. Listen more.”
  11. “There’s a time and place for everything.” If the time isn’t now, when would that be? If the place isn’t here, why bother?
  12. “Nothing lasts forever.” Thank goodness. I can’t wait till Covid is behind us. Anyone for a cruise to Italy?
  13. “Smile and the world smiles with you. Cry, and you cry alone.” No one needs fair-weather friends. If you’re suffering, reach out. Other people are there to help.

And Now, A Little Something Extra

This week, What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? will be available as a free ebook through a humor promotion to help us forget 2020. Please take a moment and check out the promotion which runs through January 25th. And as always, stay safe. Your health and you are so very important!

 

Is It Too Late To Die Young?

As another birthday approaches, it has occurred to me that certain options are quickly closing. For instance, I just might be too old to die young. I used to worry that could happen. But then, I lived through AIDS. A very scary time. When my first partner died at the age of thirty-three, I made my arrangements. I wasn’t sick. I didn’t test positive. But still, the thought of an early death lingered. Until it didn’t.

What is Young?

I guess age is in the eye of the beholder. What may be youthful to some, is definitely old to others. It just depends on where you stand on life’s timeline.  You can be a spry and energetic eighty-year-old. I know a few. Or, you can be an old fuddy-duddy at thirty. That was me. In a way, I’ve spent a lifetime preparing to be older. While others were out skiing, I was concerned about broken bones. When scuba diving was all the rage, I thought it a much better option to see the beauty of the ocean through a glass-bottom boat. That said, I have ziplined in Costa Rica much like Tarzan gliding from tree to tree. But trust me. I double-checked those support lines. It might have been a departure from the norm, but I’m nobody’s fool.

Just Be Happy You’re Above Ground

Growing up in New York City, I attended a lot of funerals. I’m not sure why so many people were dying. It just might be the odds. After all, we lived in an eight-story apartment building with twenty-two apartments on a floor. Lots of families. And where there is density, death can’t be too far behind. Few died young and left a beautiful corpse. That seemed the exclusive purview of the rich and famous. Think Marilyn Monroe. Nonetheless, I’ve heard people say at a funeral, “Gee, she looks wonderful.” That seems too high a price to pay for looking good. Better to have a closed casket and let them comment on the flowers instead.

Youth is Relative

If you’re lucky, you might have a relative or two who lived into their nineties. Bonus points if they were still mentally sharp at the time of departure. I happen to have a maternal grandfather who fits the bill. He died sitting in a chair, eating a Hershey bar, watching television. I call that a noble death. So, no matter which birthday I’m celebrating, as long as I’m south of ninety, I’m still a pup. After all, age is meaningless. Until it settles in your joints, lower back, and index finger. Then age is what you make of it. Anyone for ziplining?

And Now for Something Extra!

This month, my debut novel The Intersect will be available as a free ebook through a January Book Bash promotion with Book Cave which also includes an opportunity to win a $30 gift card to be used at the ebook retailer of your choice. Plus, my second novel After the Fall will be available through a free ebook promotion with Book Funnel. So, if you’re a fan, please take a moment to share this information with your friends. And before I forget, I want to wish you and your family a healthy and happy 2021. The vaccine is just around the corner. So let’s keep our guard up until that second shot is well into our arms. Stay safe!

 

 

The Holiday Trip of a Lifetime!

If you’re like me, you won’t be traveling this holiday season. No large family gatherings. No European vacations. And no time spent mingling with friends. But, if you have a great imagination, you can really go anywhere. And let’s face it. It’s just good common sense to make the most of what we do have and to be grateful. So today, in honor of the holiday season, I’m going to share some wonderful journeys. They start and end in the home. There are no bags to pack. No hotel rooms to wipe down. The airfare is free. No masks are required. Just a little imagination.

Drum roll, please.

  1. Open the dishwasher at the end of the drying cycle and lean in. You’ve arrived for your facial at the Four Seasons Spa in Las Vegas. Hey! Where’s my champagne?
  2. You’ve just moved a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer. Hop aboard as the dryer begins its tumble. Thrill to your favorite roller-coaster as you head into the first turn.
  3. There’s a chill coming from the freezer. Close your eyes and imagine those Klondike bars are being served in beautiful Alaska where Caribou run free. Brrr. It’s a bit frosty!
  4. In the shower, the waterfalls of Hawaii speak to you. Turn up the heat. Welcome to showering outdoors on Kona.
  5. Whip up a batch of beignets. Add a mug of hot chocolate and enjoy New Orleans. Do I smell pralines?
  6. Put on the music of Harry Belafonte. Dance around the living room as you enjoy a brief excursion to Jamaica. Day-o! Day-o!
  7. Dine on pizza from your favorite take-out joint. With a glass of red, you’re back in Venice. Watch out for the pigeons.
  8. Time for a coffee break. Put your feet up on the living room coffee table. You’re back in the jungles of Costa Rica where they have the best coffee beans.
  9. Take a hot bath. Close your eyes and relax. Welcome to Israel’s Dead Sea—without all that gunky mud.
  10. Vacuuming need not be dull. You can hear the roar of Niagara Falls. Its magnificent beauty captured with each push and pull across the carpet.

This holiday season, you can be anywhere you choose. It’s completely up to you. And all it takes is a little imagination, some whimsy, and the willingness to suspend reality. Here’s wishing you and your family the best of the holiday season and a wonderful 2021. Stay safe and stay healthy.

A Little Something Extra

This week, my debut novel The Intersect will be part of a free ebook LGBTQ promotion. There’s nothing like a free ebook. It cost’s you nothing…and I earn nothing. Ho, ho, ho!

Novel Walking? Is That A Real Thing?

Something strange is going on in our house. Sometimes, the garage door is up in the afternoon. Sometimes, a cabinet door is open. The other day, I found a grilling tool in the silverware drawer. Each one of these occurrences is usually followed by a loud, “Jeff?” Surely, it must be him. I’ve got my act together.

Wrong

I admit it. I’m the culprit. I realized it the day I opened the dishwasher while it was running. It’s not that I’m losing it (please, no eye-rolling). I’m just mentally preoccupied. That’s my excuse. As a novelist, I spend an awful lot of time thinking. Not grand Albert Einstein thoughts. But just like Albert, my two favorite questions are why and how. Which by the way, Albert employed to develop the Theory of Relativity. Me? I’m working on the Theory of Relatives. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It comes in very handy when writing contemporary fiction.

Creating Your Own World

As a kid, daydreaming didn’t come naturally. I was grounded. Practical. But after years of creative writing, I’ve changed. I’m now obsessed with character development. What people say and do. It’s a mesmerizing form of play. So when Jeff suddenly appears around the house, I’ve been known to jump. After all, I’m trying to figure out a plot point. Instead of sleepwalking, I like to think I’m novel walking. The act of being mentally elsewhere even when you’re looking in the refrigerator and trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.

Who Did That?

It’s no longer a surprise when my phone goes missing. Or the pork chops on the grill are nearly incinerated. I continue to call out Jeff’s name. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. But, I know the truth. I’m focused on my new novel Boca by Moonlight which is due out June 2021. George, a recent widower, struggles to come to grips with a new life in Boca Raton. Will he find love again? Will he stay connected to his adult children? Hmm. If you’ve ever lost a parent, this might be an interesting read.

Now, Something A Little Extra

This month, we’re participating in an ebook freebie promotion that includes my debut novel The Intersect. If you have a moment, please check it out. Also, the ebook version of What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? is available on Amazon in a 99 cent promotion through the tenth of December. 99 cents! So if you haven’t checked it out – now’s the time. And until we meet again, please stay safe. Your health matters!

But I Don’t Like Walking

Some people are fierce. They hike, run, bike—and push their limits. And then some people are more like me. They don’t even like to walk. Now, I’m not talking about the kind of walking that takes you from the sofa to the refrigerator. I do that often enough and with ease. I’m talking about the kind of walking that entails serious mileage. Why would anyone want to do that if they own a car? Simple answer: Covid-19. Gosh, this pandemic is really getting on my last nerve.

Gym

Yes, I have a favorite gym. But now, I’m staying away. This means it’s important to find a substitute to burn off the calories from the cookies I’m eating to get through the pandemic. Cookies are my drug of choice. If you have to default to sugar, my favorite is chocolate chip. Not that I need a pandemic to gorge on cookies. Chewing is just a great way to soothe yourself. Babies do it. Watch them go to town on a pacifier. Puppies do it. Chew sticks make great puppy gifts. And some grown men like cookies. But then, doesn’t everyone?

Meaningful Exercise

Weight Watchers recommends walking. One, two, or three miles. I hate it, even though I’m listening to my favorite podcast. Four, five, or six miles. Someone save me. Can I please just call an Uber? Or maybe, an ambulance? My feet are killing me. My hips ache. And that guy on a racing bicycle nearly ran me down. There’s got to be a better way to exercise when you don’t own gym equipment. Where the heck is Jack LaLanne when you need him? Oh right. Never mind.

Shut Up and Keep Walking

So with Thanksgiving upon us, it’s necessary to just keep moving. Turkey may be a healthy choice, but not when paired with all those sides. And let’s face it. The sides make the meal. As far as I’m concerned, they can nix the dry bird. But don’t screw with the mash potatoes. Or yams. Or gravy. But I will trade the green bean casserole for a serving of pumpkin pie. Two dollops of whipped cream, please.

Wishing You the Best

So here’s to you and your family. I wish you the best of the Thanksgiving holiday. Soon, this challenging year will be behind us. Next year will be better. And maybe then, we’ll all enjoy the holidays as one big happy family. Wouldn’t that be nice? And no more walking. We’ll be back at the gym where we belong. Out of the streets. Away from the bicyclists. Hopefully, sharing cookies.

 

Does Anyone Else Want to Go Shopping?

You know things are dull when a trip to the mall seems like an exciting adventure. But in the midst of Covid-19, there are just some things we aren’t doing. And shopping at your favorite retailer is probably one of them. Perhaps that explains the flood of recent bankruptcies. Sure, we all knew that Sears was holding on by their fingertips. But Steinmart, Lord & Taylor, Pier 1? It seems there’s no end to the number of stores closing their doors. And though I’m not much of a shopper, I don’t like the idea that the retail landscape is changing. And I bet I’m not the only one who feels that way.

Gimbels

My concern really started years ago when Gimbels announced it was going out. If you grew up in New York City, Gimbels was a mainstay. True, Gimbels never sponsored the Thanksgiving Day Parade. That was always Macy’s claim to fame. But Gimbels is mentioned in the Christmas holiday movie Miracle on 34th Street. Which means Gimbels was a big deal. And as the years rolled by, other stores sadly bit the dust. Think Gertz and Abraham & Strauss. As someone who has lived in many cities, I took notice. Mays (Buffalo), Famous-Barr (St. Louis), Carson Pirie Scott (Chicago), Hudson’s (Detroit), and Gump’s (San Francisco). Just shout out one of your favorite lost retailers and you’ll see that I’m right. Things are changing. And, fast.

Retail Consultant

I’ve been discussing my concerns lately with a retail consultant that lives nearby. Actually, he’s in the next room (my husband, Jeff). I’ve asked him all sorts of questions. He’s assured me that this is to be expected. There’s been a boom in online shopping and Jeff Bezos is rolling in cash. So, people are still shopping, just not in person. A few years back, Jeff explained the concept of “experiential” retail as offered by Restoration Hardware. That’s when you step into a store, check out the merchandise, and instead of leaving with the item, they deliver it to your home. The store becomes the front of the warehouse. I didn’t like the idea. And now, with Amazon, I like shopping even less. But wait! That’s one of the sites where I sell books. Lots of books. Okay—maybe Amazon isn’t so bad. But can anyone really compare an online shopping experience with an in-store visit? And now, as if things couldn’t get worse, there are whispers that shopping malls may be a thing of the past. Say it ain’t so, Joe. I mean Jeff. Say it ain’t so.

The Experience

So we’re just going to have to accept that life is changing. Groceries can be ordered online. Movies can be streamed at home. Take-out has replaced dine-in. I get it. I may not like it, but the future doesn’t ask our permission. I’ll just have to find other things to do. Like taking long walks. Riding a bicycle. Gardening. Wow. I’m in trouble. I don’t do any of those things. But then, that’s a post for another day. Here’s hoping that you’re finding a lot of alternative activities that you enjoy. And most importantly, that you’re staying healthy. Your health is precious and so are you!

Big News

What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? has won a Bronze from Readers’ Favorite and 1st prize in humor from the Colorado Independent Publishers Association. Here’s a 3-minute sample of the audiobook which is available on Audible. If you’d prefer the paperback, here’s the Amazon link. I hear it’s an enjoyable read and the paperback is beautifully designed. A little birdie told me.

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