Whimsical Observations on Life Archives | Page 2 of 11 | Brad Graber | The Intersect

Car Dealerships…I Love the Donuts!

This week, the air conditioning in my car died. Living in the desert, you absolutely need AC. Just ask the poor cacti out in the heat. It gets mighty hot in Phoenix. Within minutes, you can fry an egg on your forehead. Isn’t that a silly image?

The Dealership

Nothing makes me feel more like a patsy than taking my car to the dealership for service. Oh sure, I love the free coffee and donuts. I’ve even been known to wrap a second donut in a napkin (shhh…don’t tell anyone) and take it home. But nothing in life is truly free, and certainly not those donuts. They come with a hefty price tag. The cost of my car repair. And as I stuff my face with donuts, I realize all the sugar is probably not helpful for clear decision-making. If anything, I’m the fatted calf being led to the car repair slaughter. Moooooo!

How Much for a New House? I Meant…Hose.

It seems the folks at the dealership speak their own language. Let’s call it “car talk”. Strange words pop up in every sentence. Compressor, combustion chamber, converter, throttle plate. I recognize the word “hose”, nodding as if I have a degree in mechanical engineering, chemical engineering, or bicycle repair (what do you mean a bicycle doesn’t have a hose?). Yes, I understand modern cars are computerized. That they require the mechanic to be specially trained to work on them. And yes, I recognize all the repairs related to the AC system must be completed. Fine. I’ll just leave my wallet with the receptionist and pray my credit limit is sufficient to cover the repairs. So far, it all makes perfect sense. I think.

Why is Everyone Smiling?

It’s hard to resent service professionals who are so darn friendly. They shake my hand and call me sir. They promise to keep me updated on all repairs. That’s nice. I’m being treated with respect; looked upon as an intelligent consumer. Now, when does that ever happen? I can’t help but wonder if they’re specially trained so even as they’re picking my pocket, I’m feeling cheerful. After all, I’m going to pay for the repairs no matter how steep the price. And I haven’t a clue what the hell they’re talking about. Still, it’s an all-around pleasant experience. I smile when they mention the satisfaction survey they’ll be sending. I’m happy to participate as I quickly turn, heading back to the lounge where I’d been eyeing a chocolate donut. I haven’t tried that one yet. Time to find out if it has a cream filling.

And Now for Something a Little Extra!

This week, I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine, Ilsa Manning. Ilsa has her own perfume business of which she donates 5% of the net proceeds to a girl’s charity. Perfume with a Purpose is really a wonderful concept and I hope you’ll take a moment to check it out.

Also, in case you’re wondering, I’ve been hard at work on a new novel. I’ll be sharing more about the novel over the coming months. So, until, the next time we meet, enjoy June!

I Feel Fine…I Think

My recent physical is now well behind me. I thought it a good idea to get a baseline once I moved into a new age category. If you fill out surveys, you’ll know the age bracket that I’m referring to. It’s the last one on the list. Usually displayed with a “+” sign as if any age past it really isn’t worth mentioning. It’s not a good feeling.

What’s Your Blood Pressure?

I’ve been concerned lately about my blood pressure so I purchased a blood pressure monitor through Amazon. The problem is that I get nervous as soon as I put the cuff on my arm. I don’t want to have hypertension. I don’t want to take medication. And I don’t want to keep the blood pressure monitor. The lesson? Hypochondriacs should not be allowed to own medical equipment.

My Vitals

Stroke and cancer run in my family. Sadly, our women tend to check out early. And who can blame them? The men aren’t easy to get along with. And trust me when I say that there’s nothing sadder than a group of men left to their own devices. It’s like belonging to a collection of feral cats. No one gets along. And there’s no way to unite them. Whatever hope there was, lies out in the cemetery. And the last time I checked, holiday meals aren’t served on headstones.

Male Cousins

I have quite a few male cousins who’ve died young. But no one in the family is willing to talk about how they actually died—as if the truth might hurt someone’s feelings. If information is power, in our family, secrecy reigns supreme. I’ve left clear instructions that if anything happens to me, I want the gritty details included in my obituary. And any holiday cards, too. That ought to add a bit of cheer to the season!

Last Laugh

My financial planner has projected that my funds need to last me through the age of 92. I think he’s lost his mind. If I clear 85, I’ll consider it a win. Though 100 might be nice. That will give me plenty of time to finish my fifth book which I’m currently working on. Is the writing going slowly? You bet. I’d like to say, it’s because I’m savoring every moment. But who am I kidding? The truth is, being an author is challenging when you’re a perfectionist. Each day, I wonder if I’ll live long enough to see this next book finished. There are just so many hurdles one can manage. Right now, writing the first draft is just about my limit. Has anyone seen my blood pressure cuff?

Something Extra

This month, I’m participating in a Women’s Fiction promotion. If you haven’t had a chance to read After the Fall, this is your chance to check out the first two chapters. Just click here and take a look at all the wonderful authors participating. And until we meet again, have a terrific April. Happy reading!

Is it Time to Get A Life?

If you’ve ever looked up and said, “what am I doing, what time is it, where am I?”, then you just might be engrossed in social media; lost somewhere between the dog videos (I love them) and teens tap dancing to swing tunes from the big band era. Darn, those kids know how to move.

New To Social Media?

Until recently, I’ve never really been a fan of social media. Sure, I’m on Facebook I mean, Meta. Though no one outside of the IT Industry uses the name Meta no matter how much they promote it. I have both an author and a personal account but mostly scroll through Facebook to keep up with friends and family. And based on what I’m seeing, I know a lot of happy, well-traveled people, who love to eat. I’m glad. I like to travel (to the gym or the grocery store) and I love to eat. But as far as being happy, well, I’m a Capricorn (the goat). Happiness is not really my natural state. I tend to run a bit grumpy. Not necessarily on the outside. The exterior presents as okay. All the roiling is happening under the surface. But if you’re a happy Capricorn, let me know. I’d like to learn your secret.

Twitter

I’m also on Twitter. That’s a different crowd. Very political. People who are dissatisfied with the status quo. They expect the world to be a better place. They’re kind of suspicious, angry, and judgemental. On Twitter, everyone speaks their truth (whether it’s true or not). It reminds me of attending a party when you don’t quite mesh with the other guests. Strong opinions are expressed and folks may not get along. If you enjoy that level of mental stimulation, you’d love Twitter.

Now, we’re talking business! See how I did that little wordplay? LinkedIn is mainly targeted at the business world. Need a new job? Want to network with other professionals in your industry? Have a bit of business wisdom to promote? You’re in the right place with LinkedIn. As a writer, editors are often reaching out to connect. Do you suppose that’s because they’ve read my blog and think I could use some guidance? Well, bless their hearts.

Instagram

And then, we have Instagram. My personal favorite. Time whizzes by when I’m on Instagram. Why do I love Instagram? Because the posts are so darn creative. Talking dogs (who doesn’t love a talking dog?), marital advice (though not from the dogs), funny children, dancing parrots, oh…I can’t explain it all. But when I’m doing nothing in particular, Instagram is so engaging. And the more videos you follow, the more videos appear in your feed. So, there’s always something better as you scroll.

And the Problem Is?

I’m sorry. Did I say there was a problem? No problem. I just think that when something shows up in your life that you enjoy, it’s worth sharing. Just be careful about the time. You can really get sucked in. Which is why I’m staying away from TikTok. After all, I need some spare time to keep up with my writing.

And Now, for Something A Little Extra!

I’m happy to announce that Brenda W. and Cheryl W. were the two winners of our March 2023 Giveaway of David Sedaris’ latest books: Happy-Go-Lucky and A Carnival of Snackery. We had over 180 entries, and to be fair, the winners were selected randomly by the KingSumo software. Thank you to everyone who participated. And to those of you who didn’t win, there’s always next time. And there will be a next time.

Also this month, we’re participating in a short story promotion. So this is the moment to grab a free ebook of What’s That Growing in my Sour Cream? The free ebook is available by clicking here. Until we next connect, have a great April!

Out of the Mouths of Babes!

The other day, I was standing in line at the grocery store to check out. Ahead of me, an adorable 5-year-old boy was with his Mom. As the Mom gathered her cart and started to leave, the little boy turned and shouted to everyone in earshot, I love you. All the adults were instantly charmed. There were smiles everywhere. And then, in unison, we all said back, we love you. It was an amazing and momentary bond among strangers. This made me wonder. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if instead of saying goodbye we just offered an enthusiastic, I love you? What could be the harm?

Shalom

The idea isn’t so far-fetched. Shalom is used as a substitute for hello and goodbye by Israelis. It means peace and wellness. Then, there’s aloha in Hawaiian which translates to love and respect. So, there’s really no reason why I love you might not work instead of hello and goodbye.

But I Don’t Love Everybody!

Well, of course not. And there’s the rational adult mind denying the charm and wonder of telling other people, even strangers, that we care about them. Now, what could be the downside? Do we think people will follow us home? Okay. I guess some nut job might. But as spiritual beings, wouldn’t it just feel great to let our guard down and express love for the human race?

Maybe, 5-Year Olds Know the Secret

They say that out of the mouths of babes springs truth. Well, maybe that little boy knows something we could all benefit from. Now, I’m not in the habit of listening closely to children. But Art Linkletter (does anyone remember him?) made a career out of it. He had this show, Kids Say the Darndest Things. He’d pepper the kids with worldly questions just to hear their answers. Too cute. Tiffany Haddish has an updated version. Here’s a clip of her interviewing Ellington. It’s guaranteed to make you smile.

Children Have Never Been My Thing

Truth is, I’ve never been keen on kids. Is that a terrible thing to admit? But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize the beauty a child can add to your life. As long as you’re not responsible for getting them to bed, helping with homework, and keeping them clean and fed, I can see that children are a sweet value add. Oh, you lucky parents and grandparents. But as an Uncle, I love the little ones in my life. Joy without responsibility. That’s a pretty terrific winning combination.

Please Share Your Stories

If you get a chance, I’d love to hear the wisdom your precious ones have offered through the years. Don’t hold back. Let me know. I’m all ears and eager to learn. Out of the mouths of babes!

And Now For Something A Little Extra!

This month, we’ll be participating in an AuthorsXP ebook giveaway. You can win a free subscription to Audible and a copy of my second novel After the Fall. Entering is easy. Click here to check it out. And have a wonderful rest of February. Happy reading!

Calorie Counting: Is This Why I Learned to Add?

Let’s agree at the start. Nothing ruins a meal faster than calorie counting. But then, if you follow my blog, this should be no surprise. Because I like to eat. And so I especially hate seeing the calorie count on a restaurant menu. No matter what I want to order, the calorie count always seems too high. But what if we leave out the butter? Leave out the cream. Eliminate the pasta. Hmm. Maybe, I should just order a hard-boiled egg and a glass of water. Is that on the menu?

Food Is Meant to be Enjoyed

When I go out to dine, I want to enjoy my meal. Not be reminded to watch my weight. That should be the exclusive purview of the doctor’s office and the snickering nurse who jots down my weight when I step on the scale. What do you mean I’m ten pounds heavier than last year? Haven’t you heard of Covid? Clearly, the stress of the pandemic has forced me to retain water. Which by the way, is very eco-friendly considering we live in the Arizona desert. What do you mean retaining water isn’t the same if you’re not a camel? Well, I beg to differ.

Tricks on the Scale

I’ve tried a few tricks to keep the needle on the scale from bouncing too high. By the way, holding in your gut doesn’t work. But removing shoes, wallet, phone, and anything else in your pockets will. And then, when you step on the scale, point a finger and say to the nurse, “Look. Over there.” That gives you enough time to hop off the scale, deduct ten pounds, and announce your preferred weight. The same weight you use when renewing your driver’s license. And who is the DMV to doubt your word? Heck, it’s not like your Mom works there.

Gluten-Free

Now, I totally get the need for gluten-free options. No one should suffer a bellyache because they can’t process wheat, rye, and barley. Lately, I’ve noticed that I’m also suffering a bit of a bellyache after eating. But I’m guessing it’s more about portion size. Years ago, I learned that a serving of protein should be about the size of your fist. Based on the current price of meat, that seems all anyone can afford. Which of course makes following that recommendation manageable. As for vegetables, the sky’s the limit. Oh goody. That clears up that worry.

Now for a Little Something Extra!

This month, we’re offering a free excerpt of Boca by Moonlight through a joint promotion with over 40 other authors called Stories of Choice and Change. If you have a moment, please check it out. It’s a great way to get a sneak peek at the novel and meet other authors too. Until we next connect, enjoy the month of January!

The Ant Wars: Bait and Switch

The holidays are over. And if you’re lucky, your home is once again quiet. No more relatives to entertain. Everyone has hit the airports and made their way through TSA. It’s just you and the immediate family. And the Aunts. Oh, I mean, the ants. What? You don’t have ants at your house. Tell me your secret. Clearly, I have a lot to learn.

Is that a Bee or a Wasp?

Now just to clarify, I’m not afraid of bugs. That would be silly. So what if I run away when a bee shows up? I know bees pollinate flowers and produce honey. Somewhere. I’d just prefer nature’s miracle to happen when I’m not outside. My great nephew Kaden, as a young child, use to cry out “bee, bee, bee” and point at the sky. I think he learned that panicked cry from his mother. As for me, the adult, I affected a quiet dignity, wildly swatting the air as I ran about, tripping over myself in a desperate attempt to escape.

Please Pass the Potato Salad

Back to the ants. For some odd reason, they’ve shown up in my office. And, no. I don’t eat in my office. Well, at least, not very much. A cookie, now and then. A candy bar, on special occasions. But not more than that. And what’s strange is, we’ve been in this home for twelve years. Never had an ant problem before. Now, it’s like a summer picnic without hot dogs, cole slaw, and potato salad. So, of course, I contacted an exterminator. He’s been here three times. We’ve become fast friends. If the ants don’t clear out, I’m thinking of inviting his whole family over for Sunday dinner. We’ll hold it in my office. Does anyone still do Sunday dinner?

Talk About Unwelcomed Guests

I’ve sealed every crack. I’ve moved the furniture to see if I could find out where they are coming in. I’ve sat watching the walls, waiting for the ants to show up so I could find the point of entry. In my next life, I’m coming back as a border patrol agent. In short, I’ve shifted into an OCD mess. Killing them, wiping the walls down with vinegar until my office smells like a salad, and following every possible suggestion on the Web for eliminating the pests. So far, the battle is still being waged. The ants seem to be winning.

It Just Doesn’t Seem Fair

And still, they’re walking across my desk. I just found one as I’m writing this blog. It’s like I’m sitting on top of an ant hill. I’ve changed Pest Control companies twice. Talk about the great bait and switch. If I could, I’d move. But that seems a bit extreme. So I’ve decided to focus on the positive. What little boy doesn’t want to own an ant farm? And isn’t it true that ants are attracted to sweets? So, I must be very sweet. But then, we already know that. What do you mean you didn’t know that?

And Now for Something A Little Extra!

If you haven’t grabbed a copy of my debut novel The Intersect, this is your chance to check out a free excerpt. The novel has 4.3 out of 5 stars and 140 reviews on Amazon. Definitely an enjoyable read – even if I say so myself. And before I forget, thank you for welcoming me into your home every month. Wishing you and your family the very best of 2023. And always, happy reading!

Why is My Sponge So Darn Happy?

Some things in life simply defy explanation. Why does grout discolor? Why do spiders gather in our guestroom bathtub? And why, for goodness sake, is my sponge smiling? Yes. My sponge is smiling. Wait. Are you telling me that your sponge doesn’t smile? Well, we have to talk.

I Want to Learn How to Smile

Some of us are not natural smilers. I’m one of those people. I think it has to do with the muscles in my face. For me, smiling requires a focused effort. It’s not that I’m unhappy. Or, something hurts. Though you’d never know from the expression on my face. Whenever a photographer says smile, I admit to being confused. Aren’t I already smiling? And saying cheese doesn’t seem to help.

But I Love a Beautiful Smile

If you have perfectly white teeth, smiling is a wonderful thing. But for those of us with small mouths, and even smaller teeth, smiling should be arbitrary. Now, my husband Jeff has teeth like chicklets. When he smiles, the room lights up. It’s nice to see that smile in the morning. It’s a sign that the day is going well and I haven’t screwed up yet. There’s always time for that later.

Hey, Guy. What Are You Smiling At?

Growing up in New York City, you learn not to smile at strangers. It’s not that New Yorkers aren’t friendly. They are very friendly. Ask any New Yorker on the street a question, they’ll stop and help you out. But smiling randomly, well, that can be an invitation to trouble. I learned early on to avert my gaze and be grateful for my poker face. Especially when you’re riding the New York City subway system. If no one knows what you’re thinking, all is good.

And Then There’s My Sponge

Recently, I started to use a new kitchen sponge. I didn’t buy it. I think we swiped it from a Timeshare property we stayed at over the summer. Or maybe it came in the mail as a promo. Whatever. The point is, there’s a smiley face cut into the sponge. Think of a Halloween pumpkin. At first, I thought, this is going to be annoying. There’s this missing surface where the eyes and mouth are carved out. That can’t be helpful when cleaning up. But I was wrong. The sponge works great. And when you squeeze out the excess water, the sponge bounces back into a bright, joyful smile.

What’s That You Say?

Now, when I stand at the sink, I see this very happy sponge smiling at me. I know. You’re thinking, I’ve finally lost it. Well, I haven’t. It’s just whoever came up with the idea for the sponge was a genius. It’s a wonderful thing to see an inanimate object so happy. Especially when doing something as mundane as washing dishes. Yes. In our house, we wash the dishes before they go into the dishwasher. Crazy, huh? But that’s a blog for another day.

And Now, For Something a Little Extra!

I’ve been doing a lot of speaking lately to promote my novel Boca by Moonlight. So today, I thought I’d share an excerpt from the novel. I hope you take a few moments to check it out. And before I forget, here’s wishing you and your family the very best of the Holiday Season and a Happy & Healthy New Year. May these last days of December be filled with joy!

Romantic Love. Is it Real?

Does anyone do romance anymore? Now, I’m not talking about reading romance novels. Yes, that’s enjoying romance, but it isn’t particularly romantic. You’re watching the action from a distance instead of participating in it. And if you’re alone, well, that isn’t romantic. At least not to me.

Someone Light the Candles

In our house, we eat dinner together every night. And after thirty-two years, a lit match has never touched the tip of a candle when we’ve dined at home. Having friends in? Sure. We’ll light a candle for the table and dim the lights. But when it’s just us? Nope. Candles are strictly for guests.

Dancing

So when was the last time someone took you in their arms and whispered sweet nothings in your ear as you gently swayed to Sinatra? You don’t like Sinatra? Okay. Substitute your favorite singer or band. See. What did I tell you? It’s been a long time. Unless you’ve recently been to a wedding or a bar mitzvah, no one dances together anymore. Certainly not at our house. And a wedding doesn’t count. You dance at a wedding because you don’t want to upset the happy couple. You dance at a bar mitzvah because the hora is “mandatory” participation. Besides, no one ever felt romantic as they wildly circled a room holding hands with Uncle Leo and Aunt Gert. The hora is just not a romantic dance.

Old Movies

On the Turner Classic Movies channel, every film seems to capture a moment of pure romance when the heroine turns to the hero and utters, “Darling, I love you.” It’s something you’ll never hear in a modern film or in everyday life, unless, God forbid, you’re on your deathbed. Is that because the word “darling” has also gone out of fashion? Or was romance always a Hollywood invention created to entrap audiences in absurd fantasy?

We’re Just Too Busy

It’s sad that romantic love has gone the way of the ripped bodice. Today, we’re all too busy to luxuriate in fanciful notions. And yet, I have to admit that every now and then, when I’m with my husband doing something we both love, like going out for ice cream, a romantic spark is lit. There’s an energy that passes between us. We’re in the right place at the right time and with the right person. Eating the right food!

New Definition?

Maybe, that’s what romance is all about. Not about the atmosphere or setting, but about the personal connection. The yen to be together. If that’s so, romance is still very much alive in our house. Just give us a bowl of ice cream and click on our favorite television show. I feel a “would you like whipped cream?” question coming on. That’s our version of, “Darling, I love you.”

And Now, For Something a Little Extra

I’ll be participating in a Literary, Historical, and Book Club Fiction Giveaway. It’s your chance to win an eReader and a bundle of books, including my debut novel The Intersect. If you get a moment, please check it out. And until we meet again, have a great rest of the month!

Ten Lessons I’ve Learned About Cooking

The truth is, I’m not a great cook. I’m not even skilled at manning the outdoor grill. That said, I’ve still learned a few things over the years about cooking. So here are my best tips for the kitchen.

It’s hard to ruin an Italian meal. Anything smothered in parmesan, romano, or provolone, can’t be bad.
Butter beats margarine. Margarine beats lard. Lard beats chicken fat. Does anyone still use chicken fat?
Fish is best when fresh. If the fish smells, think twice. If it winks at you, switch to chicken.
The refrigerator needs to be cleaned often. And that plant growing in the vegetable drawer doesn’t need to be watered.
No matter what Ina Garten promises, popovers don’t always rise.
A shiny red Kitchen Aid food processor signals you’re a master chef. Best to tuck it away in the closet so dinner guests aren’t disappointed.
It’s still considered cooking if you prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As long as you held the knife, you did the work.
Chocolate malteds are a wonderful way to fight depression. Just ask anyone who loves Culvers, Dairy Queen, or Baskin Robbins.
Casseroles make excellent entrees when you have guests over. They don’t see you make them. They don’t know what’s in them. And they have no idea how they should taste. Win, win, win!
Leftovers are only good for a day or two. Three days, max. After that, be warned. You dine at your own risk.

Now, Something a Little Extra!

This month, I will be participating in a Book Cave Adventure Giveaway which offers you the opportunity to win a gift card to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes, and an eBook of my second novel, After the Fall. Please take a moment to check it out here. And enjoy October!

Afraid of Open Spaces?

It’s odd, but when you grow up in an urban setting like New York City, wide-open spaces can be a bit unnerving. Now, I’m not talking about a park. Heck, New York has lots of parks. I’m really thinking about the heartland of America. Where the rest stops are few and far between. Where vegetables grow out in the open for everyone to see. Fast forward: Rapid City, South Dakota. The home of Mount Rushmore. Our most recent vacation destination.

Beauty Everywhere!

Years ago, when I worked in healthcare, I traveled throughout the Midwest. Not the hot spots, like Chicago, St. Louis, and Minneapolis. More like Mason City, Sioux City, and Spencer, Iowa. Not many people visit those places. And even though the town folks are hospitable, the sightseeing is a bit limited. But, there’s a good reason why it’s considered God’s country. It gets very dark at night. So dark and quiet, you might find yourself praying. Especially, if you’re like me and find comfort in the presence of other people. Not that I want to socialize. Remember, writers are loners. But, where there are lots of people, there’s safety in numbers. Think of an African Safari. There’s a good reason animals gather in herds!

Rapid City

Welcome to Rapid City. We’re here to visit Mount Rushmore and do all the wonderful things I’ve read about in the guidebooks. Well, actually, I don’t read guidebooks. Jeff does. I just go along and pretend I know what’s going on. Anyhoo – it’s lovely. An assortment of motel chains to fit any budget lies just outside downtown. But wait. The city is only a couple of blocks. Huh? And there are lots of open spaces. Hmm. And the downtown stores are closed on Sunday. A cold chill runs down my spine.

New York City

It’s hard to experience nature’s beauty if you’ve been raised in New York City. Oh, I know. New York is an exciting place. Lots to do. The arts, the theater. And whenever I’m there, I hum Eva Gabor’s lament from Green Acres: “I just adore a penthouse view. Darling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue.” But the problem with New York is that no one can afford the penthouse. Or the townhouse. Or the two-bedroom one-bath apartment. The closest to nature is a visit to Central Park. And let’s be honest. It’s crowded and dirty. The last time I was there, some very gritty people were living under a tree.

My Mantra

So, instead of being freaked out, I will enjoy the views of South Dakota. The rolling hills. The Harley-Davidson motorcycle gangs roaming the highways. They may look dangerous, but I know they’re really dentists and lawyers dressed up in leather and chains on a weekend spree. I’ll watch for cows and horses. There are sure to be a few along the way. And when we reach the park, I’m ready to marvel at Mount Rushmore, even though I’ve seen it up close in the Alfred Hitchcock movie North by Northwest. What do you mean that was a Hollywood set? Ugh. Another illusion shattered.

And Now, for Something a Little Extra!

This month, we’ll be participating in a Personal Essays and a Slice of Life promotion for What’s That Growing in My Sour Cream? If you have a moment, please check it out, and enjoy the rest of your September!