The Dentist Is Stalking Me

My dentist has a huge crush on me. That must be the reason why he keeps leaving me all of these messages. A week before my appointment, the texts start arriving. I confirm, but like any eager suitor, he telephones me at home. Another reminder arrives by email. Don’t forget. Two days later, another can’t wait to see you. The day before, one final reminder. Is it time for a restraining order?

It’s Not Easy Being The Object of So Much Desire

I can’t remember ever being so ardently pursued. I know I’m kind of dental hot. My credit score is great. I pay my bills in full at the time of service. I happily sign all the paperwork they put in front of me. And I’m dental compliant. Some might even say obsessed with dental hygiene. I have a floss bag stuffed with dental floss, picks, and gum probes. All sorts of oral gadgets including a vibrating Hummingbird. That bag goes with me wherever I travel. It comes out every night as I watch television. While others are snacking on sweets, I’m probing and prodding away. It’s an oral lovefest.

Is It Overkill?

After years of cavities and root canals, two of my wisdom teeth had to be removed when I turned 50. Talk about major dental surgery. Well, I’d just about had enough. And so instead of going to the dentist twice a year, I now go three times a year so that I can monitor the lifespan of every tooth. My goal: get to the graveyard with a full set of gleaming white teeth.

And Still the Phone Rings

If love comes but once in a lifetime, I guess it’s okay to be pursued by your dentist. They’ll never give you flowers or take you to dinner. And they certainly won’t buy you chocolates. Heck, I can buy those myself. Maybe I’m lucky to have captured the interest of my own dental professional. Someone who wears a face mask and gloves whenever I open my mouth wide. Someone who truly values my oral health. How can you ever go wrong being aggressively pursued by your dentist? Isn’t a minty fresh smile and great breath worth it? I think so.